he shaved USA in his pubs
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
