i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
