I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
