my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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