I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
