he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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