Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
