There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
