Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
