I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
