I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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