...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
