pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Randomize
