Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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