Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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