awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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