Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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