I faked an abortion last night.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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