You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
