Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
