textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
