Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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