He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
