you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Randomize
