Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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