I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
