you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
