I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
