I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
