He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
