Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
