I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
