at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
