what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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