i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
