I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
