he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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