She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
