I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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