We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
