I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
