you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
