my vag is so smooth its legendary
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
