i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
