my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
operation harelip BJ is a go
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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