sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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