So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
