I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
