i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
