A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
